Friday, December 31, 2010

Men to so and defeinitely avoid 2011

Men to so and most definitely avoid 2011 by Mary Muthoni Kariuki

The only thing I remember about the first part of 2010 was that I was a fourth year at UoN. But there are some men I encountered in 2010 that I and other women should avoid come 2011, because even if there were the last men on God’s green earth then every woman’s prayer should be. “Lord, take me as I am.”

 First, Men ask you out for lunch then ask for a kiss afterwards. At times, it’s actually out of the blue. That includes men who ask for “a passionate kiss on the lip as friends.” Who are they kidding such does not exist. Who informed these freaks that I love exchanging saliva for no good reason anyway? If you want to be hated for life, ask for a kiss. Anyway the last thing I want is your disgusting saliva is the last thing I want in my mouth.
 Men who give you their sexual history and hope I will do the same. If we are not in relationship, I don’t care. Plus who told that actually makes you seem honest.
 Men who ask. “I hope you are a good girl.” I doubt God put me on this earth to prove a point to any man. God forbid that there comes a day when I have to explain my ‘goodness’ to a man. It’s like he is asking me. “Are you a loose woman?” That’s degrading. What do you expect me to say? “I am.” Men, there is no perfect woman out there.
 Men who insist on giving me advise on what men want. Dude I did not ask for your advice. “Men fear you.” “You need to loosen up.” “Men like their women submissive.” If they don’t like what they are getting they should stay away. What about what I want anyway. I have my list as well.
 Men who assume I am a good cook because I am a woman. News flash, my whole life I have always hated cooking plus housework. Get used to it. Or call me a feminist if you want.
 Men who assumed housework duty is my responsibility. Again please be prepared to do your own cooking, ironing, washing because when I was born I did not come with a manual titled. “How to do your man’s laundry 101.”
 Men who approach my relatives and then still come to me. Please men, I know evolutionists would have us believe we are part of the extended animal kingdom and hence your tendency to behave as such, you know goats or cocks on heat. From experience that is not a pretty sight. So since all my relatives and I live in the same area, if you approach my sister, cousin, niece, whatever please stay away from me. Chasing after every skirt you see is not cool.
 That was actually my next point, men who chase after every skirt they see. A guy approaches you and you are on cloud nine until you realize that he has approached like twenty women that all know and has used the same lines on them too. Looser!
 Men who are married or have girlfriends or partners. If 2010 has taught me one thing is that such men are on the prowl all the time. With rings on their index finger, but no shame in their hearts they’ll proudly tell you. “If I had known you existed I wouldn’t have gotten married.” Yet ten years down the line they will still be married with three kids. Or “I am your dream guy.” Showing you a picture of their son, Or in actual sense they have a girlfriend, you know it, they know it, but still want waste your time. Girl you will always be on the loosing end at the end of the day apart from the fact that you really need to respect.
 Older men who are lets say in their thirties and all they want is to marry you regardless of the fact that you don’t love them. Because they are desperate to marry any woman, all they can see is you pregnant. Get someone your own age. I am not as dumb as you think.
This also applies to men in their late twenties the desperate kind who date form four leavers, pay their college fees then end up getting dumped for someone younger. Men never pay fees for a girl unless you have permission from her father. Also there is nothing as bad as dating a man who is talking about commitment and you are in school and trying to sort out your life.
 Men who stop you in the streets of Nairobi to ask for your number or just to tell you that you look very beautiful, It would take God for me to respond to such. They freak me out.
 Men who snuggle up too closely to your body on buses and queues because they are psychos and they want to satisfy themselves using you. They are the worst kind.
 Men who think I am dumb or expect me to act dump and pretend I don’t know football.
 Men with fake vibe. “Come to house and make me tea baby.” “Idiot.” That’s all I have to say to you looser. No matter how cute you are it won’t work. “I have been waiting for you my whole life.” “Well Mister, I haven’t.”
 Men who thinks they understand everything about a woman’s physiology. Oh please the last thing I want to talk to you about is my monthly period. Recently I was angry because a man had looked down on me, yet a certain fool thought it was that time of the month, and he let me know it with a goofy smile on his face. I wasn’t impressed. Or when in the heat of Turkana, a colleague thought it was that time of the month again. I wasn’t impressed. Wait is there a woman who is impressed by talking about her monthly period to a man. It’s a woman thing, let it be.
 Men who talk about rape. I hate that, it’s creepy and scary and it actually makes me suspicious about such men. I don’t know about you ladies but I have had two or three guys, who claimed they were interested in me, telling me about women who were raped out of nowhere. Trust me, that didn’t go anywhere. Scaring a woman doesn’t build a relationship. One actually told me about gang rape and that’s all he would tell each time he saw me. That’s the number one man to avoid.
 Lastly, men who gossip, look boy if your friends think they are way better than I am then may be you should date them. Sadly I don’t care what they say about me, and if you believe them, then you are so not the guy from me.

Women stay away from such men and you will be happy come tomorrow, men stay away from me if you are any of the above. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

becoming the othet

Nevertheless, a heart stopped beating that day, a heart that had beat so loudly only a few seconds before, a joyous heart, one that leapt and beat a tad louder that most hearts, a heart full of dreams, a ‘dreamer’, so they called her, if she would have known how painful her death would have been she would never have attempted to go down the path that had lead to such an agonizing demise, its not like she had not died so many times before in the last decade or so.

And a painful death it was indeed, death from a wound inflicted in the house of her friend, her partner, had it been an enemy or better still a stranger that had sought to destroy and kill her, maybe it would not have been as painful as it felt in those dying moments. He had mercilessly raised his knife nay a dagger, or better still a double edged sword and driven it through her heart, not once, twice would have been acceptable but he had done it over and over again, her resigned daze firmly fixed on eyes that were set on destroying everything that she had worked so hard for. With every strike the pain ceased, a rather numbing feeling filled her mind as drifted into the unknown, finally slipping into the darkness that had surrounded her brief and miserable married life, she could clearly see it quickly engulfing not only her heart but every thing and everyone and that ceremony was fading into the darkness as well, it was like she was not there anymore, like she was hearing his voice from a distance.

BUT THEY LIED! There was no bright light at the end of the tunnel, just eternal darkness, there was no peace finally, just eternal condemnation in her heart and mind that made her whole body feel rather sore.

Jackie thought of what they would say at her funeral.
“A bright young woman.” “A hardworking girl indeed.” She pictured, a grey haired, tall man, who walked with a limp and his back bent, an effect of the very trait that the daughter had inherited. Over the past decade she had involved herself in so many business ventures all that greatly succeeded, only for her to stop half way to make room for Anthony’s career. Every step he climbed on the ladder of success, she seemed to go down ten steps.

Such true but incomplete statements, if only they had the courage to say it. “A young bright woman, who was foolish enough to give up the scholarship of a lifetime to study abroad in one of the best universities in the world for a man who thought she wasn’t clever enough,.”

Then her old father would say. “A hardworking but naïve girl, who could have built empires, ruled nations, conquered the hearts of men and women but she didn’t.” she could feel the tears in his voice; she could see the mourners nod in agreement. What a tragic end to a heart that was hopeful to the very end.

Ten years earlier everything seemed to be going according to plan, she had highly excelled in the national examinations, at that point the petite, dark seventeen year old was the talk of their estate, her high school principal was so pleased with Jackie that he used all his connections to secure her a scholarship abroad at one of the best universities in the world and they had readily accepted her.
“What are you going to study?” her pastor had asked her after the three hour long service.
“Law!” she had answered ecstatically.

That was until Antony came along, an everyday guy, college educated, luck seemed to be on his side because he seemed to be landing very good jobs. She saw him once and her young heart was smitten by him, she dived in head first, there was no reasoning to logic when it cane to Antony.
“It’s only four years.” Her father tried to sway a heart convinced of love to no avail.
“Father,” she reasoned with wisdom. “He is going to educate me. There are universities right here in Kenya.”

“Has you father abdicated his role of paying your fees to him.” An angry mother retorted at her stubborn daughter. “We certainly do not need his help in paying your fees.”
Their pleas fell on deaf ears, the charm of a twenty seven year old man, with a few thousand shillings in his account overrode the voice of truth and Jackie eloped, rather moved in with Antony, to everyone’s dismay.

“Anto.” She held the admission letter close to her heart a few months later. “It’s Law again.” She waved the letter excitedly in the air. “It’s for this coming September.”
Antony didn’t look that excited, as a matter of fact he went on reading the newspaper as if she had said nothing.
“Sweetie,” he folded his newspaper neatly. “I am also joining university the evening programme for B-com.”
“That’s great, we can both…”
“No!” he shot her suggestion down as he would do for the next ten years. “I need you to stay at home at least for the next four years, until I am done and then you can go to school.” He started, on noticing the element of surprise in her face, he proceeded to convince her. “I will open a business for you so that you can keep yourself busy as I study.”

At that point she should have ran back to her parents and begged for their forgiveness for being the prodigal daughter, but sweet nothings won over solid evidence.

Four years later, she still dreamt of owning her own law firm despite being a wife and a mother of one while expecting another. She still hoped for great things despite being disowned by her father. Running a small kiosk near their rented flat, which in a matter of months she had transformed into a big duka, her savings were growing and she had found a partner to help her set up a Supermarket, and just when she was about to hit the jack pot, Antony was transferred to another district.

“Let’s go.” He managed to easily convince. “I will support you to open another shop.”
She went on and followed her husband at first begrudgingly, but she truly loved her husband and was willing to set aside everything and follow him even to the depths of the earth, in the darkest abyss that her life seemed to be, she followed, thinking it was his hand she was holding. Her second hand business prospered again, but Antony insisted that she needed to stay at home and take care of the family of five, while he traveled far and wide to do business; he provided everything, for them. Their children attended privately owned schools; the arrangement seemed to work, until Antony graduated with a Masters Degree. Jackie organized for the best party her husband’s money could afford her. Prominent people were invited; they came in state of the art vehicles, bearing gifts that only the affluent could afford to pronounce the names. As for the food, the outside caterer’s hired spared no cent, sweet aroma of Mukimo, fried and roast chicken, chapati, nyama choma among other delicacies filled the air of an otherwise cloudless afternoon.

But as the blue sky turned gray and gray gave in into darkness an aura of imminent betrayal filled Jackie’s heart as he rose to give his graduation speech, it was like he had chosen a sharp dagger ready for his evil deed as he flashed a cheeky but rather beckoning grin at a young woman, seated a few metres away from the high table, sending a freezing chill down Jackie’s spine. The very woman Jackie had gotten accustomed to seeing, because she had been Antony’s classmate ever since he was an undergraduate, tall almost like Antony, light skinned, and had really large dimples that filled her cheeks whenever she laughed, used to be really slim until five years earlier when she had given birth to her five year old daughter, who sat net to her at her husband’s graduation party.

As Antony took the stand it was like a veil was lifted from her eyes, and she could see Antony for who he really was. He wasn’t her better half, rather he was the whole. Marriage was not the union of two becoming one rather one becoming the other. Two halves was just a myth, there had just been the one and the one was Anthony. She had given up so much of herself eventually losing her self in Antony. It had been all about him not them, there was no them, all the sacrifices had been about him, for him. The cold bitter truth struck her hard, tearing painfully into her heart. So that when Anthony asked Lisa to stand, Jackie was ready up. “And now introducing the third pillar of our family.” The knife sank deeper into her heart, the pain was now unbearable, and it was all too painful to swallow. “Lisa! this is my wife legally married at the AG’s office and we have lovely little Natasha to show for it.” Lisa’s dimple lit up her face and she smiled at her little five year old daughter.

He turned to introduce Jackie, but she wasn’t there anymore, he had killed her. “How could you?” she wanted to say. “I gave up everything…” But the dead tell no tales.

But it wasn’t a physical death that could have been way better; she was now the living dead. “He never asked which university I had been admitted to.” The tears gave way to a weary smile, as she packed her clothes into the old bag that she had used ten years earlier. “He never cared, he never did.” She wasn’t as enthusiastic as she had been, her dreams gone, three children, burdens bigger than she could bear, destination unknown. One thing was for sure though, she was never coming back.

And oh yes, her heart dead, never to beat again, its only memory was the sounds of a drum beating from the hills and mountains from a distance.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Love I lost, the love that never was

Once upon a time, a young man, a very handsome man showed interest in me, but i did not feel the same way, given the class gap(I was a form one and he was a form four) and the distance gap, i was from Nairobi, he was from Nyeri, i thought it could never work, anyway my greatest fear was that he wanted to play with my emotions since i was a shy and very gullible form one student and that made me mad. Was he handsome, yes he was, very handsome, my mother thought he was cute too. Was he intelligent, he made it to the University of Nairobi. He was tall, he was funny, he was considerate, he made me laugh and he was very patient. Perfect! right, so why did i say no?
My previous relationship had messed me up a bit and i had failed in my exams, i thought that i could not serve two masters at the same time. They say women can multitask easily but not me, i can only do one thing at a time. I wanted to go to the University of Nairobi and not just any other university, the thought of not making it scared me a lot.
Maybe the best reason that i an ever give is that i did not feel the same way as he did. Years later, he sent me a success card and reminded me that he still love me, i still ignored it because i had already forgetten about him, i was in love with a person who did not feel the same way about me. At that point, i must have understand the way it felt to be rejected, i burned his photo, and letter lest one day i be tempted to call him ad hook up with him, that was because, at times my greatest fear is that i cannot control my impulses, my urges that my heart in control of my mind and not the other way round. That scares me a lot, but here was a boy that may be i liked and he liked me, but i had to make a choice.
Years later we met at the university of Nairobi, he asked me a lot of questions, he still liked me, but i did not.
Now when i haven't seen him in years, his face comes back to haunt me. The heart is a funny thing, he had everything including a job but i said no.
Now at times i wished i would have said yes and find out where it could have led, then i ask myself, do i really like him or is it the loniliness. I do not know what it is, because, i have had many proposals over the years, but his has stuck on my mind, i don't regret any other decision i have taken to cut out a man in my life except for him. I feel so strngly for him, but my heart keeps on denying it, it does not feel any love for him. Maybe i do, why would i think about him so much.
Anyway, now all i know it was i love i could have had, but will never have because it never mine. Maybe

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Loving and Not Being Loved Back

During my first days in high school, I saw a tall brown skinned boy and fell head over heels in love with him, he was not like the boys in my primary school, who I thought were immature, though i did fall for one of them, but these form three boy made me forget about him, the only one i could think about was him and how hot he looked, i could tell he was becoming a man because his beard was beginning to show. I was hooked, positively knocked out by him, i thought i was in heaven.
He was a prefect, a tough mean spirited bully of a prefect, you should have seen the soldier like tough look he gave the students on line at the dining hall whenever he was prefect on duty. It scared me too, at first i thought he was a kitchen worker, one employed by the school to make sure that the students formed a straight line and that they observed strict discipline.
Being a small baby faced girl, i felt that many of the students i would see would fall under the category of 'men and women.' and me a baby. It's funny how these 'men' captured my heart and made me see myself as a woman too.
Whenever i would make a presentation in the chapel he would be seated at the very last row, clapping in the air jokingly just for me laugh, yet i was in front, i had to hold it back and look away just to avoid seeing his childish antics, otherwise i would make a fool of myself.
My heart longed for him and sure enough we would hang around and talk, i have no idea how it all started but it did. Then one day he came to my class. My heart leapt with joy, thinking he had come for me, the other girls would be dead jealous, he was coveted after all, and the boys would realise that he was after all a gentle creature, one capable of loving. But the main question on their mind would be." How did she do it?"
I smiled satisfactorily at myself. I followed him out and i was swinging with his hand, was so happy. I was playing with him and he was enjoying it.
But i was not the only the one, there was someone else on his other arm, the girl he had come to see, the most beautiful girl in our class, he liked her and she liked him. None of them had an idea that i liked the boy too, and if they did, they never showed. I had no choice but to move on, being a lady i cannot hold on to the hand of a man who doesn't love.
Disappointed i watched them walk away together. He wasn't made for me.
The lesson was, in life i will love many who will not love me back, but the true measure of love, and greatest lesson of love is walking away when you know the man is not yours. Love is not selfish, if he loves someone else, or if he is married, i have no right to interefere, because forced love and rape are the same thing.
I am glad i fell for him because it taught me what love is all about.

Loving and Not Being Loved Back

During my first days in high school, I saw a tall brown skinned boy and fell head over heels in love with him, he was not like the boys in my primary school, who I thought were immature, though i did fall for one of them, but these form three boy made me forget about him, the only one i could think about was him and how hot he looked, i could tell he was becoming a man because his beard was beginning to show. I was hooked, positively knocked out by him, i thought i was in heaven.
He was a prefect, a tough mean spirited bully of a prefect, you should have seen the soldier like tough look he gave the students on line at the dining hall whenever he was prefect on duty. It scared me too, at first i thought he was a kitchen worker, one employed by the school to make sure that the students formed a straight line and that they observed strict discipline.
Being a small baby faced girl, i felt that many of the students i would see would fall under the category of 'men and women.' and me a baby. It's funny how these 'men' captured my heart and made me see myself as a woman too.
Whenever i would make a presentation in the chapel he would be seated at the very last row, clapping in the air jokingly just for me laugh, yet i was in front, i had to hold it back and look away just to avoid seeing his childish antics, otherwise i would make a fool of myself.
My heart longed for him and sure enough we would hang around and talk, i have no idea how it all started but it did. Then one day he came to my class. My heart leapt with joy, thinking he had come for me, the other girls would be dead jealous, he was coveted after all, and the boys would realise that he was after all a gentle creature, one capable of loving. But the main question on their mind would be." How did she do it?"
I smiled satisfactorily at myself. I followed him out and i was swinging with his hand, was so happy. I was playing with him and he was enjoying it.
But i was not the only the one, there was someone else on his other arm, the girl he had come to see, the most beautiful girl in our class, he liked her and she liked him. None of them had an idea that i liked the boy too, and if they did, they never showed. I had no choice but to move on, being a lady i cannot hold on to the hand of a man who doesn't love.
Disappointed i watched them walk away together. He wasn't made for me.
The lesson was, in life i will love many who will not love me back, but the true measure of love, and greatest lesson of love is walking away when you know the man is not yours. Love is not selfish, if he loves someone else, or if he is married, i have no right to interefere, because forced love and rape are the same thing.
I am glad i fell for him because it taught me what love is all about.